


Of clones and coffins

by tigerist



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), Moonlight (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-30
Updated: 2011-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-24 04:59:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerist/pseuds/tigerist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are two options: either Danny is going crazy or, you know, he spend too much time with barely any sleep. Because Steve cannot possibly be strolling Arts District when he's on some training at the base, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of clones and coffins

**Author's Note:**

> written over at comment_fic @lj for a prompt: Hawaii Five-0/Moonlight, Steve & Danny & Mick, "He's a vampire, looks like you and the only thing which disturbs _you_ is that he sleeps in a freezer?". unbetaed.

At first Danny thinks he’s hallucinating. Steve is at the base for some additional training – Danny drove him there himself – and therefore cannot be strolling among the evening crowd in Honolulu Arts District, right? There are two options then: either Danny is going crazy or, you know, he spend too much time with barely any sleep. Long cases can do that to a man, right? Seeing your absent partner in the crowd is perfectly normal in such circumstances, even when you don’t miss them (because whatever anyone else says, Danny doesn’t miss the giant goofball, no sir), right?

When it happens the second time, Danny writes it off as a trick of light or something; Steve is, after all, standing right next to him, arguing with some shop owner about access to the recording of his security cameras, and can’t stand 20 feet to the left with a shaved ice cone in his hand. But when it happens for a third time, while they’re canvassing one of the more popular bars, searching for their perp of the day, Danny takes two steps back and squeezes Steve’s shoulder. “Any lost twin brothers I should know about? Or, I don’t know, identical cousin or some other relative?” he asks in his best ‘let’s get to know each other better’ tone.

“No, why?” Steve frowns, trying to make sense of what Danny was saying. “And even if I had, how would it be related to our case?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I thought that if your clone, sitting currently at the bar, is related to you, he might be more, you know, _open_ for questioning,” Danny says, gesticulating in the direction of said clone.

“Oh,” Steve says, surprised.

“’Oh’, he says,” Danny murmurs, exasperated, “Like it’s normal to meet someone who looks like your clone. They didn’t clone you while you were in the Army, huh?” he asks suspiciously. “Because I tell you, the world is too small for two of you. Hell, my sanity would be as good as gone if there were two of you. So are there?”

“It’s the _Navy_ , Danny, and no, they didn’t,” Steve says, rolling his eyes.

“Are you one hundred percent sure that some crazy scientist, thinking the Army could use more adrenaline junkies like you, didn’t swipe your mouth or something while you were sleeping or didn’t keep some of your DNA when your blood was tested?” Danny continued, his eyes going wider and wider with the possibilities.

Steve smirks, “You’re watching too many cartoons, Danno. I’ll be sure to tell Grace to cut you off.”

“I didn’t…” Danny starts, poking Steve in the chest, but Steve just turns him around, whispering into his ear, “He’s leaving. Let’s go after him,” and leaves the bar.

Silently throwing his hands in the air, Danny follows him.

 

______________

 

“So. We’re here,” Danny says, impatiently drumming his fingers on the headboard. “What’s your plan now, huh? We walk in and ask ‘How come you’re so similar to my crazy boss and partner?’”

“That would be a little rude, don’t you think?” Steve asks, observing the area of the condo his clone parked in front of. “It’s a nice area,” he adds. “Not too expensive, either. I hear they have a couple of free condos right now, looking for tenants.”

“I told you I’m perfectly fine with my current accommodation,” Danny grits through his teeth. “But let me guess: you _forgot_.”

“That I did,” Steve nods, beaming. “It’s so unbelievable that someone could enjoy living in that rat infested shithole that my mind just throws it away every time you say it as utter bullshit.”

“Why do I even try to explain it to you?” Danny wonders, opening the door and climbing out of the car. “Really, you’d think I’d know it’s a lost cause by now.”

“I don’t intend on giving in,” Steve says, his smile full of teeth. “It’s not good for Grace,” he adds, smug. “You can’t deny it.”

“Why, I thought we have an open invitation at your place,” Danny says dryly. ”With the amount of time me and Grace spend there, my apartment is used only as her bedroom. You can’t say it’s too small for a bedroom, now can you?”

“I can and I will,” Steve sais, raising his hand to knock – because somehow they got to the condo’s door without Danny noticing – when the door open, Steve’s clone standing there with something that looks surprisingly like Steve’s aneurysm face on. “Finally,” he grits through his teeth. “I swear, with the amount of time it took you to get here, I don’t know if I should start doubting you’re the best task force on the islands or start to worry about the state of local law enforcement.”

“You’ll just let him insult us like this?” Danny asks, turning to Steve.

“You coming in or what?” Steve’s clone cuts in before Steve can even think to answer. “I don’t have all night. A vampire has to sleep sometimes too, you know.”

At first Danny rolls his eyes at this, thinking _Great, so that one’s even more crazy than Steve_ , but then he sees blood bags lying on the kitchen counter and swallows. “Uhm, okay, please tell me you don’t sparkle,” he says, turning to their apparently vampire hosts.

Steve’s clone frowns, “Sparkle? Of course not! Why would you even… your read _Twilight_?” he asks then, incredulous.

“I have an eight-year old daughter whose mother lets her watch the movies, okay?” Danny snaps. “And I’d rather be killed by a non-sparkling vampire, thank you very much. I always wanted to go with a bang, not a _sparkle_.”

“Why would I kill you?” the vampire asks, surprised. “I just got you here to ask for your help!”

“Our help?” Steve asks calmly and Danny can’t help wondering if ‘How to react when meeting a vampire’ is a part of the SEAL’s training. He makes a mental note to asks Steve later and not settle for _“It’s classified, Danno,”_ as an answer.

“Yes,” the vampire says, sighing. “My friend is close to getting arrested and even with his connections it doesn’t look like he’ll be able to walk out of there quickly if they actually go after him. Being locked up in a prison without usual supply of blood…. I guess you can imagine what that can do to a vampire. Or the number of prisoners locked there with him.”

“What that has to do with us?” Steve asks, rising his hand to stop Danny from throwing in his opinion about that.

“My friend’s current problems started right after he refused to sign another deal with one Wo Fat,” the vampire said, shrugging. “I always check out his potential business partners for him and this time wasn’t different. I found out that you’re after him and now my friend wants to cooperate with you. He’s offering all his information on Wo Fat in exchange for help in clearing him of all charges.”

“And you couldn’t just come to us and ask?” Danny asks, perplexed.

“I’m a vampire,” the vampire reminds him flatly. “It’s not like I can stroll around during the day for long, what with all the sunlight here, and I also can’t exactly enter any building without being invited there first. Makes trying to talk to you kinda hard, don’t you think?” he added, tilting his head and folding his hands. “Not to mention that despite my insisting on renting a condo with the biggest freezer available, I barely fit in the one here. Makes sleeping kind of difficult and trust me, I need my fix of good night sleep if I want to interact with humans and not, you know, throw myself at their jugular vein or something.”

“You sleep in a _freezer_?” Steve asks then, looking completely baffled, and Danny can feel that his left eye is starting to twitch. He’s had enough for today, really.

"He's a vampire, he looks like you and the only thing which disturbs _you_ is that he sleeps in a freezer?!" he yells, his hands a wild. “Seriously, Steve?”

“He sleeps in a _freezer_!” Steve whispers. “Shouldn’t vampires sleep in a coffin?”

The vampire snorts. “Do you have any idea how much a custom-made, coffin-shaped freezers costs? Trust me, it’s way above my pay grade.”

“They make coffin-shaped freezers?” Steve asks, frowning. “Hey, that would be great for storing beer during Halloween party!”

“Halloween party?” Danny asks, turning to him. “Do I have to remind you that you, sir, are _banned_ from throwing Halloween party after last year fiasco? Chin and I are going to organize this year party and trust me, there will be _no_ coffin-shaped freezers there.”

“So I went a little overboard with the bonfire, big deal! No one got hurt!” Steve protests.

“Because we had five firefighters there!” Danny reminds him. “Five! And they barely could handle it!”

“So I’ll just forego the bonfire this year! We can always have Chin and Kamekona on grill, right?”

“Kamekona? On grill?” Danny asks, taking a deep breath in preparation for a long rant, when the vampire tilts his head again, a speculative look in his eyes, and asks, “So how long have you two been married?”

That’s when Danny really loses it.

 

______________

 

Two months later they catch Wo Fat and put in him in jail. The next day, there’s a large package waiting for them in HF-0 headquarters, with a short note from Josef.

 _Thank you for your help.  
P.S. Mick and I feel invited to your Halloween party this year. _

“We have a coffin-shaped freezer!” Steve exclaims, tearing off the packaging paper. “How cool is that?!”

“That’s awesome, brah!” Kono is right there next to him, Danny notices, helping Steve to get rid of the packaging. “The Halloween party will be a blast this year!”

“Hey, we don’t want to freeze our beer,” Chin reminds them. “Let’s see if it can be set to the temperature of a fridge,” he adds, already looking for the settings panel.

Danny just pulls out his phone and sends Mick a text with just one word. “Traitor”

Mick answers almost immediately with “Josef idea. Had nothing to do with it.”

“You want me to believe it? Besides, Steve wants to dress up as a _vampire_ now.”

“Cool, I’ll dress up as a SEAL and no one will be the wiser.”

Danny feels his left eye starts twitching again.


End file.
